even after i was confronted about what i did, my first thought was to challenge her argument. i believed i didn’t do anything wrong, and my time had come to finally use the knowledge i’d been given in the books and podcasts i consumed. so i listened, not to hear her, but to give the perfectly curated response.

long story short, i ended that confrontation with pride. i hadn’t faltered, and i had been perfectly articulate, confident, and right…

wrong.

it took me a full week to realize that although yes, i ‘stood up for myself’, but at what cost? a broken friendship?

i then realized that i had built a toxic relationship with self-help content. it gave me a subconscious superiority complex, made me stiff in the guise of being ‘observant’, ‘calculated’, ‘don’t talk more than you listen’. i became isolated and private, purposefully, cause the books told me it was much more respectable to ‘move in silence’, and not let anyone aware of what i was up to.

i even became a critique of all my relationships - all the messy and human mistakes that should probably have not been measured by a self-help book; ‘what benefit is this person adding to my life?’, if it didn’t tick all of my boxes, i would turn them a cold shoulder. there was little room for mistakes, second chances, and compromise.

i’m lucky that i didn’t do this long enough to ruin all of my friendships, but i certainly lost or at least, tainted a few. i had formed a corporate-like relationship with the people around me. nobody called me anymore because i had my phone on DND most of the time, pretending to be batman.

it was after - years after - that i realized what this kind of media had done to me.

now, i’m not saying that self-help content is bad. everybody experiences it differently. i also don’t want to act like i haven’t learnt some powerful things from it that i still use today.

but i think i was just too young, the last thing i needed was all that advice, and i got a high off of knowing that i was ‘five steps ahead of everyone else’. so i swung to the very end of the spectrum, and got consumed in the egocentric parts of the knowledge.

but back to my friend - looking back now, although i wasn’t acting from cruelty; i genuinely believed i was doing everything “right.” i’d consumed so much advice about boundaries, confidence, and never letting people disrespect you that i forgot another important virtue entirely: humility.

because what happens when you’re so busy trying to become a better person that you stop being one entirely? we are not AI. you can’t fix a human misunderstanding with a rehearsed answer from your favorite self-development influencer.

there is no guidebook for life - you have to be humble and feel. you have to be humble enough to feel. and it’s probably some of the most uncomfortable feelings you will go through. and that’s the point.

i find that i learn more when i allow myself. of course, i have my own personal set of values that i don’t compromise on, but i still leave a little room for life to happen to me. for life to teach me. and i try to remain ready enough to recieve it. the girl who always tried so hard to get everything right, and appear almost perfect, is slowly seeping out of me.

i don’t want this to be too long. i just want to say - maybe all you have to do is put the self-help down, for a little while. free you mind from the countless diagnoses and instructions. don’t let it be the only thing you consume.

live. you’re spending too much time studying the manual. hit the brakes already. stop being scared to be a messy human. to make mistakes. apologize. learn. look stupid. mess up. do it all. that’s how we grow.

and finally,

please take everything i’ve said with a grain of salt.

thank you for reading ❀

i haven’t been writing anything. i haven’t even been reading anything. and you know why this is so big for me? because i measure my worth according to how well and often i do these things. apparently if i can’t be an intellectual for a week, i feel behind - which is very understandable, for a lot of reasons.

most of my emotions have been confusing, unsolved, like i’m in a stage of transition. the numbness of the same days passing by. the confusion of my own self. it’s all been so hard to navigate.

i’ve been trying to force meaning out of it all, a revolution, maybe. a thunder-stricken realization. but there’s been… nothing. and i think that’s the point.

i’ve figured that if the tangled wires that are my thoughts cannot yet form a polished, tangible article a - i might as well just write them as they are; tangled and unfinished.

sometimes i’ll wake up thinking i don’t even want to write anymore. there have been days i felt i had ‘outgrown’ the identity, as if being a writer was a title i earned. i’m learning now that that is just what my mind projects, and has been projecting for a while. i had been taking this craft too seriously, measuring my worth by the length and ‘value’ of my pieces.

i want to stop pretending that i feel completely detached from how often i write. or the ‘quality’ of my ideas. i am very much validated by these things, even against my own will. i also want to stop pretending that i am one thing, and that i always have to be one thing.

i think i had forgotten what writing actually was. somewhere along the way, it became articles. publication. consistency. something to prove. i stopped listening to what my soul actually had to say.

and maybe i had been defining “writer” far too narrowly. i thought it only counted when it was polished enough to publish. i had put myself in a box i didn’t realize i could just walk right out of.

but my goal has always been to be real. to share what is real. i’m still the same girl. i’m still learning and expressing through different ways. i’m not ‘outgrowing’ anything. i’m still a writer. i write in my notes, in my journal. i write birthday cards to my friends. i start sentences i never finish. i write.

and i write wether or not my dashboard reads ‘23’ or ‘58,676’. i write anyway. and i will not write something revolutionary every time. in fact, i may not write something revolutionary at all. but fortunately, that has never been my why.

i had mistaken silence for absence. the words never left, i just stopped recognizing them as my own.

it’s okay. i don’t need the thunder-stricken realization. all i need is permission; to be as confused, patient, and honest as possible.

side note: there is a part 1 of this article on my page already, i advice you read that first, especially if you know nothing about malapdative daydreaming.

let’s just get straight into it;

• change your mindset towards it.

many of us who have discovered this intoxicating habit hate ourselves for it. but that hate and shame, after years of trying to force it away, gets us nowhere.

the fact that you have this coping mechanism is enough proof that you’re a deeply sensitive and creative person - your inner world is rich, your emotions influence your mind very easily. if you constantly shame yourself for this behavior, you’re never going to reach the first step towards fixing anything. so the first shift is - stop seeing daydreaming as a flaw, and start seeing it as a signal.

• don’t try to ‘stop’ it.

i’ve deleted the music apps, tried to train my brain to shut the daydreams off - but a coping mechanism as emotionally driven as this one cannot just be ‘stopped’. years of conditioning need to be unlearned, and it’s going to take time. you have to understand that it’s some form of addiction, and you can’t just take the pack of cigarettes away from the addict.

it’s the reason the title of the article is ‘how to manage it’. i say manage because i personally believe that this habit, to a certain degree, can be very useful for creativity. it’s not something i’m sure i want to eliminate from my life completely. but it’s something that needs boundaries because of it’s addictive nature, and this is why i say; managing.

• know why you even do it.

most of the reason people perform this act and get addicted to it is because they are either running away from something uncomfortable in their reality - trauma, pain, sadness or even boredom, or they are trying to experience something that is missing in their reality. either way, there’s something important to note here - something you lack here makes you want to go there.

i personally daydream about traveling, community, and being seen and understood in a certain way. even when i would daydream about certain characters, they would naturally have these traits. freedom and autonomy are huge reoccurring themes in my daydreams. this has helped me understand that i am someone who values expression and connections that are authentic and natural; and so many others.

i want you to do the same. notice the patterns of your daydreams; what do they consist the most of? what does it look like you want so bad? and if you don’t daydream about yourself,

what are your characters like? what are the traits they have? who is the character you resonate with the most?

these patterns are extremely important. you would not be daydreaming about things you don’t care about. notice the themes. most people say they daydream about being famous. these people probably crave to be seen, experienced, and understood, in their reality. they probably feel caged and inexpressive.

your daydreams will tell you about what you value the most. understanding them is the first step.

• identify your triggers

the best thing about this mechanism is that it didn’t just start out of nowhere. there was a trigger, a very strong one. and it probably still exists in your life today.

my number one trigger is music. and i’m sure most of you can understand why. in fact, most daydreamers’ main trigger is music. we know how powerful music is, we feel it in our minds, our hearts, running through our bones. sometimes hearing it is not enough and you want to live in it. so that’s exactly what you do.

once you know your triggers, you want to start working towards reducing them. complete removal, especially in the beginning, to me, is a waste of time. you may last a couple days, maybe a couple weeks, but your brain will eventually go back to that habit. it’s the only thing it knows. what you need is replacement.

most people fail at quitting bad habits because they plan to just ‘stop’ without preparing a replacement for the habit. the reason you daydream in the first place is because there’s some kind of void. the coping mechanism is just your brain’s way of filling that void. if you want to manage your daydreaming, you need to give your brain something else to engage in, or it’s going to force you back into what it knows.

the important thing here is that; this replacement needs to be something healthier than daydreaming. something that will not give you as much dopamine and adrenaline, and this is mainly the difficult part.

because daydreaming releases so much dopamine, it’s going to be hard to transition to anything else - be it reading, watching long-form content, writing, crotcheting, baking, anything else. but every time you feel the urge to daydream, you need to train your brain to pick up something else, to think about something else. easier said than done, i know. but it’s not impossible. neuroplasticity is very real. all it takes is time. and never, ever giving up, no matter how many times you fall.

‘what can i replace my triggers with?’

hobbies that you love. and don’t say you don’t have them. trust me, you do. if you don’t know what they are, you just haven’t gotten to know yourself enough.

writing the daydreams down. or even recording them, if writing is not for you. it forces you to slow down, and actually utilize your creative mind. they don’t have to make sense, by the way. just give them a place to rest.

• try and give yourself what you seek

another important thing is to start to find ways to actually incorporate what you so passionately seek in those daydreams into your real life, because it is the fact that you lack and crave them in reality that you escape to your daydreams where they exist. you repress here, so that you can express there. you need to turn that around.

you may not be able to become that pop star, or have that perfect romantic partner immediately, but you can create the qualities that reflect them in your life. more connection, more confidence, more creating, more authenticity. try to be intentional about growing into the person you daydream about all the time. when your brain starts to see these things in the real world, it won’t even remember to seek them elsewhere, at least not as often.

there are other tips i could share; (although i find these hard to execute);

- schedule your daydreams, especially if they affect important things in your life.

- tell someone about it and have an accountability person. someone that’ll take away those earphones at certain times, make sure you’ve gotten your work done, etc.

• and finally, this is not a two-month change.

you have probably been daydreaming since you were a child. like me, i started at about 14. i’m almost 20 now. that’s years and years of repetition. and if you know anything about what i mentioned earlier - neuroplasticity - then you would know that it is millions of strong pathways in the brain, that simply cannot be rewired overnight.

this is the only coping mechanism, the only pathway your brain has been strengthening, so you will fall, you will return, you will relapse. the most important thing is that you stand up and try again, every time.

struggling with stopping is not because you’re an incapable person, it’s simply the way your brain has been wired. it craves habit, not caring if it’s good or bad. and it craves the easiest, simplest, most rewarding habits, which is everything maladaptive daydreaming is.

so give yourself grace, like i always say. it is going to take time. it is. but the fact that you’ve made it to the end of this piece means that you’re willing, and once you’re willing enough, to stop letting this habit take control of your life, you can definitely achieve it.

i wish you all the best, dear daydreamers, and i’ll leave this here;

with grace,

always.

you are meant to constantly evolve, and you may have forgotten.

humans love clarity, especially clarity in ourselves. when a habit, mindset or system has become habitual and easy, we hold onto it, until it becomes us. so when the seasons and eras of your life begin to shift, and your mind, body and soul start to crave something different, you hesitate; because letting go means releasing everything that once felt certain.

but we forget that we aren’t meant to stay the same forever. trying to do so creates a friction between your realities. your soul may be ready to evolve, but your ego is stubborn and craves habit.

as treacherous as it sounds, you must step out of the version of you that no longer fits - the one with mindsets that are no longer strong enough to carry the thoughts you have today. what worked for you yesterday may not work for you today, and not because you are broken or behind, but because you are evolving. you must remember that everything - even yourself - is an experience.

seek to really understand yourself - get past any shame and guilt, then re-build and reshape to adjust to the person you are now, and continue, continue, continue to do this as you evolve. or you will be stuck in the state of a worn-out version of you forever.

you may be strictly confining yourself.

when you discover your likes, dislikes, hobbies and patterns, you don’t have to become them. your identity is fluid and you are forever learning and adapting. whatever resonates with you today is simply an extension of yourself and something your mind may have leaned into for a multitude of reasons. so why do you think that one branch must define the whole tree?

you may be burdening yourself with an identity that was never meant to stay, but only to come, serve you, and go. whatever you watch, read, learn, and question, is just an indication of a growing, curious mind, not the entirety of your existence.

you may need to get out of your own head. seriously.

with all the love in my heart, i say this. like the habit thing we talked about earlier, our brains seek comfort; and if constantly feeding you sabotaging thoughts just to keep you afraid and shameful will protect it, that’s exactly what it’s going to do.

your thoughts are just thoughts, not all of them are true, especially when you’re seeking change. use them to navigate your triggers and your internal state. anything else is probably noise and your brain’s way of ‘keeping you safe’. psycho-analyzing your words, actions and interactions, worrying about how you’re being perceived, of course you’d feel stuck. choose the thoughts you know are good for you - even if they sound corny or impossible - and continue to listen to them, each time they come. eventually, there will be a shift.

you may be underestimating your own voice.

‘this is not revolutionary content’ is something i told myself about a week ago when i wanted to post something. this caging mindset of feeling like your ideas, goals and passions are not ‘original’ is very dangerous and can certainly keep you stuck.

sure, it may not be ‘revolutionary’, but we need to hear, see and experience it through your lens. two concepts may be the same but the thought patterns and perspectives are certainly not. plus, revolutionary content isn’t even the goal anyway. it shouldn’t be. safe expression is, passion is, authenticity is.

your idea or goal doesn’t have to be fresh or new. it just has to be sincere enough to resonate. and you have no idea how much magic they carry. they beat in your heart for a reason.

in the end, we have to remember that feeling stuck is mostly a creation from the mind. you need to find whatever chains may be holding you down and cut through them, even though you may absolutely hate the process.

on the other side of that discomfort is a lighter version of you, ready to be welcomed;

with grace,

always.

i have been locked inside rooms before. rooms i stepped into myself, bolted shut, and hid the key to. i have always wanted to feel alive. and maybe that is my greatest test; the way my own gifts turn inward, becoming the poisoned pleasure of maladaptive daydreaming.

malapdative daydreaming. i have tried to say it out loud many times. but i hate the sound of it. i hate that it is a label that describes a part of myself. i hate that it is the term i came across when i started trying to figure out what was wrong with me. i hate that it is responsible for the locked rooms i have been in.

when people think addiction, its the usual drugs, gambling, and devices. but i think addiction is way beyond that.

for example, i have been addicted to my own mind; to myself. i have allowed my imagination to swallow every aspect of my reality. i have never experienced nicotine before, but the euphoria i feel from my mind when this happens feels close enough to warrant the word addiction.

imagine realizing that there is a place you can exist all by yourself, where the fear of being judged or losing control does not exist. where your mind produces dopamine and other neurochemicals so intense they begin to control your body, until the line between your imagination and reality thins. a world of your own making, with your own characters that you can customize; characters that can freely express what you cannot.

this fantasy world becomes richer with every visit, making you want to visit even more. over time, everything around you becomes a possible trigger that adds another layer to the story. it’s like being the writer of a book, but in your head. sometimes you pace. sometimes you speak; inside, out loud even.

sounds like a dangerous high? well, exactly.

now, it becomes your favorite place to be. i mean, how would you want to leave? these people understand you so well; and they are extensions of different parts of yourself. and at first, it feels perfectly harmless, but, ‘what once soothed can begin to consume’, and constantly retreating to this ‘safe space’ starts to ruin your life.

now, if you don’t know what this daydreaming is, i suggest you look it up. this is not meant to be an essay explaining its psychology. it is only meant to be the words of a girl who has an imagination as vast as the ocean, and has no idea what to do with it.

i wish to hear more about malapdative daydreaming in the future, with less stigma around it too. i have never been one - and i wish to never be, one to stay quiet, or shy away from the real and uncomfortable conversations, just because no one is talking about it.

this is the scariest thing i’ve ever written. and i know there are people like me, out there - confused and ashamed because they feel alone in this habit that sucks them away from reality. but refusing to accept that it is real and very confusing to deal with just teaches people like me to carry it quietly, and that helps no one.

i don’t know if there will be a continuation of this article; and even if there is, it will be a journey of unpacking, dissecting and understanding, without shame. i also don’t know if this piece will even make it out of my drafts. the fact that it has made it out of my journal is scary enough. but who am i, if not a girl who does everything scared anyway?

i’ve realized that i write about everything but the one thing that i try to use to lead my soul everyday. grace.

if you’ve been in this space awhile, you’d be familiar with my signature closing line, ‘with grace, always’. but beyond its appealing rhythm, what essence do these words carry?

grace lives in many dimensions. spiritually, it is in Allah’s mercy and generosity. emotionally, it’s in the way one can move through difficulty - gently, without bitterness. and even physically, the poised movement and a comforting smile, are all grace.

i didn’t fall in love with the concept of grace by looking it up on the internet. i believe the essence came to me through intention and introspection.

to me, grace is the harmony of strength and softness. it’s the strength it takes to walk away from draining or toxic situations, with calm resolve. it’s in the self-regulation and elegance of one’s words and actions.

if you’re someone who seems to have a hard time balancing between being assertive, bold and confident with kindness, elegance and poise, then she, grace - is for you.

let’s talk; qualities of a graceful woman.

she loves.

a graceful woman is enveloped in love. love for herself first, as this is what she uses to lead other aspects of her life. her self-respect and confidence are so deeply rooted within her that no external force can easily pull her out of this energy.

by loving herself, she is able to pour that same love into others - painting their worlds with the warmth she carries in her heart. this love branches out to qualities that mirror its source - kindness (not niceness), compassion, and respect.

a quote from a favorite book of mine goes;

“Be like a bee, which eats good things and produces good things; when it lands on a branch or flower, it does not break it; it takes the nectar and does not sting, and buzzes with love and glad tidings, reflecting a sense of contentment, as if it is a heavenly creature that has come down to earth.”

Book: You Can Be The Happiest Woman In The World - Dr. ‘Aid al- Qarni.

she knows.

a graceful woman’s strength begins in her mind. she uses emotional intelligence to lead her actions - knowing when and how to react, understand others’ emotions, certain perspectives, and even her own thought patterns. she looks in the mirror before she judges others and thinks about service workers before littering the floors. in the Qur’an;

“Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and be good to parents, relatives, orphans, the needy, near and distant neighbors, the companion by your side, the traveler, and those your right hands possess. Indeed, Allah does not like those who are arrogant and boastful.”

— Surah An-Nisa (4:36)

the knowledge she has doesn’t scream, but is easily seen through the way she carries herself. she will never give an opinion on something she’s not educated on or try to appear smart. she is open-minded and ready to learn from anyone and anything.

a graceful woman hardly ever makes anyone feel small or dumb for not knowing what she knows. instead she teaches, and leaves an unforgettable impact. she seeks to inspire, rather than boast, with what she knows.

she is intentional.

she is one to gift you a hand-written note, or a scented flower she thought reminded you of her. she is intentional with her words, posture, and most importantly, her energy.

she also understands that not everything deserves her attention, for her energy is sacred - only reserved for the things that matter. those toxic gossip pages do not interest her. that bitter and angry neighbor? doesn’t get under her skin. anything that will not benefit or add value to her life, she does not entertain.

and of course, she is human. strong emotions may visit her from time to time, but the graceful woman learns to acknowledge and tame it, without letting it consume or define her life.

she is God’s friend.

to live an easy life, she understands that there are things that will be beyond her control. so she maintains a strong connection with God, to remain rooted in her spiritual purpose and be guided through every decision.

she talks to Him about everything, beginning with gratitude for the blessing of her life. her heart exudes gratefulness, and through which she becomes a magnet for even more blessings.

she trusts that God will always be sufficient for her. this faith she has liberates her heart from the heaviness of the world, making her less anxious, because she knows her truest friend is always watching over her.

now, who is this graceful woman? a graceful woman isn’t a title you earn by wearing heels or speaking softly. she is built and personified. and, she is actually me and you. she lives in all of us, and is embodied - one intentional decision at a time.

so, i hope that this phrase means much more to you after this piece. may it be a reminder for you to move through life -

with grace,

always.

Have you ever wondered why fruits…rot? Well, I have. And we’re not talking science or biology today. Let me let you in on something different.

Fruits rot so that we find no reason to keep them. So that we rush to eat them, savor their juices and be ridiculously happy doing it. So that there is no worry to keep them for a tomorrow, a next month, or a next year.

The reward for immediately indulging in a ripe fruit is its sweetness and nourishment. The reward for leaving it to decay is, well - it’s pungent smell and foul taste.

This is a good time to tell you that, this isn’t about fruits.

I had a conversation with a lovely friend once, who told me not to save an outfit for a good day. I told her okay. But inside, I chuckled. The lack mindset I had made me turn away from her very good advice.

Why do we even save stuff? The nice clothes, that new perfume, fresh idea, anything at all. What is so precious about tomorrow that we compromise our today?

We put the happiest, most fulfilled version of ourselves we can have today on hold, on a pedestal, for a tomorrow that we may not wake up to see.

When you save something - anything (and no, money is different), the many layers of conditioning you project from is jarring, and you may not even know it. If you begin to unwind the ball of yarn, you’ll find threads of fear woven through it - fear of losing control, fear born from low self-esteem and, at the core, a subconscious lack mindset.

Now, I don’t blame anyone for having a scarcity mindset. We all kinda do. But just like all the other unhealthy coping mechanisms that we may have forcefully developed as children, it’s something that needs unlearning, and fast.

Your Purpose & Ideas.

Purpose, passion, art - these things aren’t like money locked in a safe. They’re like water and breeze. They need to flow and dance and exchange. They need to be let free, experienced, feel and be felt. And most importantly, they need to be expressed.

Saving your ideas or keeping your creative work for any reason at all is not making you wiser, stronger or more ready. In fact, whenever you suppress a burning passion, you block the flow of many many others. It’s like turning off a faucet. The water is in there, but it can’t come out.

Perfectionism, the need to be in control, all of these are the devil to your ideas and your self-esteem. Human beings are creative creatures and everyone has a passion, an obsession, something their heart goes on fire for. When these aren’t safely expressed, your inner child is hurt, leading to self-doubt, leading to self-hate, then leading to a constant feeling of unworthiness.

When I say ideas rot, I don’t mean literally. But the rays of light that inspired that pathway of thinking in your mind - the conversation you had that day, the sunset you experienced - all gave you that idea. That different perspective. That new way of thinking. When you put it in a shelf, you may revisit it later, but the flavor, the emotion, the joyous and innovative energy you had then would have gone stale. That’s what I mean by rot.

And the one that kills us all - thinking that your creativity can ‘run out’. Most artists describe creativity like a muscle (it strengthens the more you use it and feed it with learning, experiences and reflection).

The fear that creativity can ‘run out’ is another small projection of a scarcity mindset. Creativity stagnates only when hoarded. You learn, expand and become better through it. Through making it, caring about it and sharing it.

John Keating in Dead Poets Society once told his students; “Boys, you must strive to find your own voice, because the longer you wait to begin the less likely you are to find it at all”

“But why should my voice matter?”

Every fingerprint is different. What makes you think that the person next door can convey the same ideas as you, in the same ways that you can, in your own very specific and unique forms of expression? From your endless patterns of thought to the chemistry of your brain, experiences from your past and the raving thoughts of your mind. Oh honey. The next time an idea pops in your head I want you to write it down. Draw it. Mold it. Cry it. Sing it. Paint it. Dance it. Pot it. Design it. Just use it. Use it today; the love, the emotion, the energy. Turn the faucet back on.

Material Things.

When we get a new item, the default mindset is to save it. Save it for an event, a birthday, or just for a generally better time. And I’m not completely against doing this but, there is a razor thin line between it being for genuine safety or just self-sabotage.

Spiritually, there should be flow and trust in one’s mind and body. A bad habit of always saving something for a better day will subconsciously rewire your brain into thinking a lot of things - that you may not get more of it soon, so you have to “save” it for the perfect moment, or that your current self is not worth it, or that God will not give you more.

God is abundant. Allah is abundant. The human mind doesn’t have the ability to comprehend even an atom’s fraction of Allah’s abundance. The limitations built by your past experiences should not be projected onto God or yourself.

Patch up that self-esteem and remember that God is always, always intentional. He put that thought in you for a reason. He gave you that item for a reason. He woke you up today for a reason. As long as your veins are flowing, your heart is beating and your brain is working, you have a purpose on earth.

And it doesn’t run out. There is abundance for everyone. There is room for everyone. There is creativity for everyone. There is love for everyone. Give things out. Detach. Liberate your heart from anything worldly and know that you are defined by nothing.

This isn’t about neglect or living heedlessly, it’s about trust. Trust in God and trust in yourself. Trust in your voice, thoughts and passions.

Breathe in. Deeply. Now out. See? So much abundance. So much air.

So the next time you get that fruit - doesn’t matter what it is - I want you to eat it, squeeze out all the juice that exists inside of it, do it with all the joy in your heart, and most especially, do it quick.

DON’T LET YOUR FRUITS ROT. And after you’ve enjoyed that fruit and squeezed all of its contents out, gather its seeds and plant them again. And remember to do it;

With Grace,

Always.

As a self-improvement-obsessed girly, let me be honest with you. That type of content can get pretty annoying sometimes. And it’s not the content itself that I’m starting to get irritated at, it’s the execution, the same recycled mantras. I’m so bored.

But here’s what I believe. I believe that real, lasting change is one that happens when you become so disgustingly fed up with yourself and your bad habits, that you can’t stand them anymore. That is the real catalyst. And that type of delivery (the one we see everywhere)… just doesn’t make one realize that anymore.

So, here’s something different. A simple beginner’s guide on:

how to hate your own life:

• be an emotional sponge. allow every remark and opinion dig into your skin and settle there. listen to everyone else but yourself.

• care so much. care about what would happen if you said ‘no’. care about how you’re being perceived. care about repeating an outfit. care about how others live their life. care as if the world would stop spinning if you showed up as your most authentic self.

• live in denial. yes. be the victim. move like someone is coming to save you. believe that maybe if you stayed stuck a little longer, a helping hand would magically appear above you.

• hate your dreams. keep them on a shelf until they expire. second-guess your passions. constantly believe that you are not capable of achieving them.

• have no purpose. wake up everyday, eat, sleep and scroll. then repeat.

• believe that sleep is a waste of time. deny your body rest. live like a vampire.

• boo yourself off the stage before you even get to perform. do 90% thinking and 10% doing. become a self-sabotaging expert.

• be a certified ‘yes’ person. become a pushover. spend your life bending to be like-able to others - even when you don’t even like them.

• wear those negativity glasses all the time. ignore everything you should be grateful for. be a negative ball of energy and sneeze pessimism onto everyone in your life.

• compare yourself. compare your looks, growth & life to everyone else’s. compare, compare, compare.

• stay comfortable. run away from uncomfortable situations and emotions. wake up being the same person every day.

  and lastly,

• wait for the perfect moment. don’t take any steps until the the stars align and life hands you a handwritten invitation to do so.

If any of these points hit a nerve, congratulations! You’ve just found your growth edge. You can ignore it - or, you know, try doing the opposite.

Thanks for reading!

With Grace,

Always ;)